I can honestly say Ive become a happy person in the past 4 months.
I really didn't know how to be happy and it was always a constant day to day struggle for me. Id wake up with a little bit of hope that today would be good, or today he'd like me or today id like myself. It was pure insanity " insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result "
I was in a rut for 3 years and lost every little piece of myself and didn't know how to get out.

( thank you for holding me down by my arms and spitting in my face that day; you made me realize i deserved better ) ( you were pure poison ) ( nuff said )

but ya, I am TRULY happy; ive fallen in love. like real love.. not that abusive controlling manipulative cheating lieing sneaking around paranoid insults bullshit ginger love. the real stuff. the marvelous stuff. the stuff they write about in movies and are portrayed by beautiful actors. love so beautiful and so enormous its impossible to describe or wrap your head around. gah <3

tofu breakfasts, quiet records humming, plaid shirt as nightgowns, blowing bubbles from balconys, laying in the park, midnight walks, burnt pizza bizarre body painting, sunday dinners, vegan goolash, wine colt45 dancing, adventures in parks with our cameras, kissing madly all night long.

i love you ben brush, and i have a strong feeling thats never gonna change