i am so scared about my future.
its creeping up fast and sneaky
its got my tummy
twisting
its got me feeling more nervous then ive
EVER
felt before.

i am so afraid of failure

i am so afraid living at brunswick towers is gonna feel like,,
a nightmare
i dont ever wanna feel the way i did when i lived at those towers.
i can honestly say ive never wanted to end my life until i lived there.

thats one worry of mine.

the second is a job, getting to the job, making enough hours at the job, getting home from the job
not getting fired from the job.

the third is not failing at NSCAD. fuck. ive always just dreamed i;d attend this school. it was kinda just one of those fantasys i have that i never expect to happen but i just pretend it will to give me hope in life. i cant believe i got in..
now i gotta work and grow and do all the things i dreamed about or all of this wont be worth it, all the time, money and crying.
NSCAD is the most important;
actually thats a lie

Ben is the most important... the fourth worry is that we are not gonna work.
i want to work so badly. i'll do anything. i love him so much and never want to lose him.
but i'm not sure he feels the same way.
he might now, but what if that changes..
i'll be so broken


gosh i could go on forever about all these topics but my heart would explode


jdhfkdjhgkdshg = shoot me